Bookgasm: 14 Sarcastic Truths We Can All Relate To

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

Recently, I have reviewed the book, The Official Dictionary of Sarcasm: A Lexicon For Those of Us Who are Better and Smarter Than the Rest of You by James Napoli, which you can read here. Let me share with you some of the sarcastic remarks I think was funny and which, if not all, most of us can relate to.

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1. Advertisement
A medium through which people who truly care about your welfare (and not all about money) provide you with helpful, extremely subtle reminders that your bad breath, body odor, cell phone provider, and make of car all have to go.
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2. Anniversary
Try forgetting it, and you'll see what the hell it means.
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3. Barista
A person highly skilled in writing your first name in sharpie on the side of a heat-treated paper cup.
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4. Blinker
The turn signal on an automobile. It is unclear as to why this accessory was invented, since nobody ever freaking uses it.
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5. Book
An object that confers upon its owner a certain air of attractiveness and unbridled sexual dynamism.
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6. Celery
Despite a few pitiful attempts to make this flavorless plant edible by stuffing its crevice with peanut butter or sour cream and garlic dip, celery remains the most useless of God's creations and should be eliminated from the face of the earth.
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7. Closet
Something that one flamboyant cousin of yours still refuses to come out of.
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8. Excel
Confounding Microsoft spreadsheet application designed by a very cruel person who clearly wants a large percentage of its users to have an embolism.

9. Fat
What you don't realize you are getting until you have to suck in your gut even when you are lying down.

10. The Finger
Something you give to other human beings when you cannot find the right words to say exactly how much their very existence has so deeply impacted your life.

11. Fruit
Literally, the ripened ovaries of a seed plant. Gross. No wonder you don't eat as much of it as you should.
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12. Fruitcake
A gift given to you last Christmas by people who shrewdly anticipated your needing a doorstop this Christmas.
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13. Galileo
Astronomer and physicist often called the father of modern science. Although he was condemned and imprisoned by Roman authority for his forward-thinking view of the structure of the universe, he did, many years later, end up as part of a song lyric in Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, so hopefully that makes up for it.
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14. Like
A word that somewhere in the late twentieth century began to be used as the connective tissue in all spoken sentences, despite the fact that the words on either side of it need nothing to connect them in the first place. Example: the following sentence functions perfectly well without the additional use of the word like. "And he was so, like, unreasonable, and I thought, like, Why are you all up in my face? and then, like, he just walked away." Hence, we prove that like is, like, totally useless.

Hope you learned something new today! LOL!

Love lots, xx

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266. Heneral Luna: The History Behind the Movie by Vivencio R. Jose, Ruby Rosa A. Jimenez

265. Rumors (Rumors #1) by A.C. Arthur

264. An Armadillo in New York by Julie Kraulis

263. Nickerbacher, The Funniest Dragon by Terry John Barto

262. Our Love Grows by Anna Pignataro

261. Molly Rides by Adam B. Ford, Brian Berley

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